You’ve undoubtedly seen the stories, where reporters trek to the heartland to take the pulse of Trump voters – to divine their wisdom, as it were. Surely the next dispatch is already in the works…
CORN CORNER (Mainstream Media News Service) – Bobbi Jo Jonesing poured a draft and slammed the mug on the bar counter in front of Jimmy Mack as he discoursed thoughtfully on the news of the day.
“You’re asking me if I’ve changed my mind about the President?” he grinned at an inquisitive stranger, tilting his weathered farm cap at a rakish angle. “About what, exactly? Because he called up that Russian-type guy and asked for a favor? So what. I ask people for favors all the time. Isn’t that right, Billy?”
His friend Billy Bobbit, nursing his sixth Budweiser, nodded wisely from the adjacent stool. “You bet,” said Mr. Bobbit. “Yesterday I helped you pull that tractor out of the mud. Favors is what we do, to be neighborly. The President just believes it should be a neighborly world.”
It was another quiet afternoon at the Corn Corner Saloon, where Americans in the heart of the grassroots come to chew the fat on the issues of the day. Support for President Trump was strong here in 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018, and it remains to be seen, on this new visit, whether it is different.
“If a regular fella like me can ask somebody a favor, then certainly the President of this great nation can ask a favor,” said Mr. Mack, warming to his subject. “Am I right or am I wrong? And I think I read or heard something that this Biden character – didn’t he work for Obama, which tells you something – maybe he did do something dirty over in that whatchamacallit country there? Right?”
Ms. Jonesing, behind the bar, put down her cleaning rag, picked up her phone, and began to scroll. “Yeah, I can’t find it right now, but there was definitely something about that here somewhere, or maybe it was the President who said Biden was dirty, or maybe he had an ad about it? Everybody needs to stop picking on the President all the time. Like he tells us, it’s all bullshit.”
“I sure loved that tweet where he said ‘bullshit,'” laughed Mr. Bobbit, who recently lost his farm job when farm prices went up because of Mr. Trump’s trade war, but said he’s optimistic that Mr. Trump knows “exactly” what he is doing. “Saying ‘bullshit’ was so much like a real person! We say ‘bullshit’ all the time. It’s amazing how he knows exactly how we think.”
According to election statistics, 97 percent of Corn Corner citizens voted last time for Mr. Trump, and that percentage may be smaller in 2020 if anyone shifts their opinion, but it was hard to tell if that time is now, judging by the nature of the latest chatter. Which could change, although not if Carl “Kick Ass” Agro is any apparent indication.
Having listened to Mr. Mack and Mr. Bobbit as they weighed the issues, Mr. Agro opined from the across the saloon, “Yeah, what’s truly bullshit is that this little punk Schiff won’t leave the President alone about this favor thing.”
“OK,” said Ms. Jonesing, eyeing her phone, “I got something here about that guy. The President’s son says Schiff is all hooked up with Soros!”
“Huh. Now it all makes sense,” said Mr. Mack, draining his draft and smacking his work-callused hands on the bar counter. “My wife knows some people who got one of them Alexa doohickeys, and they bought speakers manufactured by that guy Soros. Which means that now Soros and Schiff can listen in on everything they say!”
“You sure about that?” said Mr. Bobbit. “You’re talking about Sonos speakers. Sonos is different from Soros. Gregory Soros, or somesuch.”
“Don’t get all elite on me!” Mr. Mack shot back. “You know what the hell I’m trying to say.”
“Ease up, boys,” Ms. Jonesing jostled, patting her patrons’ rugged shoulders, which have weathered decades of hardworking labor. “Like the President tells us, we sure wouldn’t want to see a civil war around here.”
Mr. Bobbit, Mr. Mack, and Mr. Kick Ass Agro laughed heartily with neighborly affection as the sun began to slant below the musty windows in this bellwether corner of the heartland, and whether minds may change in a subsequent visit in the runup to 2020, only time will tell.