You’ll get no false equivalence here. The impending debate (more accurately, a performative confrontation) pits a seasoned public servant who works for all Americans against a convicted criminal, sexual assailant and financial fraudster whose sole agenda is breaking democracy to save his own ass.

Trump will likely try to tone down his most toxic rhetoric and appear passibly wonkish, talking policy with all the depth of a middle school student whose dog ate his homework. It will behoove President Biden to pierce the felon’s eggshell ego and rattle him to the point of going bonkers – in an unhinged moment that will live forever on TikTok and anywhere else on social media where low-information voters hang out.

I’d love to see Biden try any or all of these 10 lines:

1. My opponent says – these are his words – that he’s “proudly the person responsible” for ending Roe v. Wade. Now we’re seeing the medical consequences in states with abortion bans. Why does my opponent hate women’s freedom?

2. Where does he stand on the popular abortion pill, mifepristone? Way back on April 12, he told Time magazine, “I have an opinion on that, but I’m not gonna say it yet. But I have pretty strong views on that. And I’ll be releasing it probably over the next week.” That was 10 weeks ago. Take a stand, man.

3. I may be old, but I don’t babble on endlessly about sharks, boats, batteries, whales, windmills, water, faucets, dishwashers, showers, and washing machines. My opponent said the other day, “You have washing machines where they don’t give you any water.” I’d like him to give us one example. And has he done a wash even once in his coddled life?

4. My opponent should be proud that post-pandemic America has the most robust economy in the western world. But he’s too busy sucking up to murderous dictators in the eastern world.

5. At least my opponent seems to be awake tonight, unlike during his first criminal trial.

6. Sixteen Nobel economists warned in a letter this week that – and I quote – “a second Trump term would have a negative impact on the U.S.’s economic standing in the world, and a destabilizing effect on the U.S.’s domestic economy. Many Americans are concerned about inflation, which has come down remarkably fast. There is rightly a worry that Donald Trump will reignite this inflation, with his fiscally irresponsible budgets.” Does the fraud who gave us a fake university really think that he’s smarter than people with actual credentials?

7. Louisiana has passed a law requiring that the 10 Commandments must be posted in public schools. In response, my opponent said: “I love the 10 Commandments.” Really? All 10? C’mon, man, do you think we don’t know?

8. Remember when my opponent bragged that he hired “the best people”? Now he’s being denounced as unfit for office by his former vice president, his former longest-serving chief of staff, two former Defense secretaries, a former national security adviser, a former deputy press secretary, a former strategic communications director, a former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and others too numerous to mention. Are all of them wrong, or is that guy over there just a loser?

9. Folks, when July 11 comes around I’ll be busy doing what I’m always doing – my job, working for you. My opponent will be stuck in court that day, getting sentenced for his criminal acts. What a shame it would be if this turns out to be his last debate as a free man.

10. Folks, I may be old, but I’m the only candidate on this stage who believes in democracy and the peaceful transfer of power. If you re-elect me in November, you’ll have the opportunity to vote again in four years. With that criminal, you won’t. Let’s not make 2024 the year the American experiment died.